


The Little Secret

by silencedturbulence



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Play, Angst, Cuddles, Diapers, Drama & Romance, Family Drama, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Infantilism, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pacifiers, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, slow burn Joel Callahan/Benjamin Williams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silencedturbulence/pseuds/silencedturbulence
Summary: Joel Callahan never though that his simple ordinary life was going to have a drastic turnaround in the most unanticipated way. When all have you gotten from life has been punches, knock downs and bittersweet moments, believing that you'll ever be happy is out of the equation. But what if one day you find happiness in the most unconventional way?or just the one where Joel discovers his roommates secret and embarks a journey with them.I suck at summaries .... Sorry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not much to say. 
> 
> I made this story based on a dream I had and wanted to try and develop it.  
> English is not my first language, and the story is un-betaed so, I'll do my best.  
> Suggestions, ideas, I'm open to them.  
> Sorry before hand if I mess this up.

Joel never expected to see what he saw when he opened that door. Never in a lifetime he expected to find one of his roommate sitting on the carpeted floor of the living room, dressed in just a white shirt and a diaper. They both froze when noticing each other's presence, never ever expecting to find themselves in that situation. It was awkward, Joel couldn't deny it. He wanted to say something, but when he spotted the fear on Robbie's face, he just couldn't. 

“Robbie?” A voice called from within the TV. “What's going on, baby boy?” The female voice asked in the sweetest voice that people use to talk to babies and toddlers. “Did you wet your diaper?” 

At that, saying Robbie was terrified was an understatement. In the years that they've been living together, Joel had never seen him so horrified. The way he looked to the person in the TV and then towards Joel in utterly shock, broke Joel's heart. The way he looked at her, hoping desperately for her to jump out of the TV to take him away.

“Hi,” Joel stuttered, “I'll be in my room.” 

Joel closed the door of the apartment, with locks and everything, before heading down the small corridor toward his room. He opened and closed the door behind, puffing out the air he didn't notice he had held as he shook out the nervousness off his shoulders. Who would've thought that he would have find himself in that position. Joel wasn't a person to judge, never has, never will, everyone has their own life and Joel wasn't the kind of person to judge what other did or didn't do. What really hit him was the look on Robbie's face, the fear in his eyes.  
_Maybe I should apologize for interrupting_ , Joel though but he stopped himself from going out that door; it was better to give it time to cool down and think clearly before rushing into anything. 

“Joel?” He heard Robbie calling after a few light knocks on his door. “Emh, can we talk..” he asked hesitantly, struggling so much to even finish the question.

“Sure,” Joel answered automatically. _I shouldn't have_ , he thought. He wasn't sure if it was wise to talk when he was nervous. Nothing good happened when he was nervous. Well, nothing good ever happened to him anyways. “Give me a second,” He added, dropping his backpack and his phone on his bed before calming himself down.

Joel had a tendency to use the worst wording when he was under pressure, so he was hesitant to talk. _What if I mess up?_ , he though, _what if he kick me out?_  
He had lived with Robbie and his brother, Benjamin, for quite a while now. Even thought they didn't socialize much, he liked it there. It was a nice apartment, Robbie and his brother were kind enough to let him stay there paying half the rent. They were cool guys, organized and respectful, and Joel didn't want to mess up the "little friendship" he had built with them over the years they've been living together. 

“O-ok.” Robbie stuttered. Joel could still notice the fear in his voice.

Joel removed his beanie and the scarf, throwing them somewhere in the room, breathing deep before opening the door. He didn't expect for Robbie to actually be there waiting for him outside the room. He looked as nervous as Joel, pulling on one side of the grey sweatpants he put on in a hurry. They were backwards, Joel noticed.  
“Hey.” He greeted with a nervous smile, looking anywhere but Joel. He didn't look like himself, Joel noticed. “I-”

“Look, Robbie.” Joel cut him off unintentionally. “Sorry,” he quickly added, ashamedly, “please continue.”

“I want to explain what was going on-” he began once again, crossing his arms on his chest in a fail attempt to cover up the bear design on his shirt that the jacket was supposed to cover. It wasn't going to work because the jacket was way too small for him, probably because it was Joel's. “And it's fine if you don't want to. And I'll understand if you just want to stop talking to me afterwards. All I ask is for you to listen to me, please.” 

Joel's heart almost teared apart in that very moment. Joel had always seen the man being happy and energetic, like if he could take on the World and actually win. But in that very moment, it was the opposite of that. He looked and sounded like if the World actually beat the crap out of him and, for some reason, it pissed Joel off. Joel wanted to say that it was OK, that there was nothing to apologize for, but he couldn't. He didn’t know why he couldn't. Maybe it was because he was scared, scared of screwing something up like he always thought he did.

“Robbie, I-” The words slipped out of Joel's lip before the same voice from earlier interrupted them.

”Robbie?” The woman called, and this time her voice sounded worried. “What's going on? I swear to you, Joel. If you hurt my Robbie, I'll-”

“Hi, Jill.” Joel walked into the living room to greet her, standing in front of the TV so she could see him through the webcam. “I'm here and everything is alright.”

“And Robbie?” She asked next. She looked like she was about to break the rules of physics, time and space and crawl out of the TV.

“He's right here.” Joel pointed at Robbie who was sheepishly standing by the hallway with a full on embarrassment. “I promise you, I haven't hurt him.” but she didn't look convinced, and she was in all her right not to be. 

“Look, Joel,“ she began, “what you saw, you wasn't supposed to see that. No one was supposed to see that. That was something private. It wasn't like we wanted to show it to you on purpose.”

“Jill, I-”

“No, heard me out,” She interrupted. “Robbie is a great guy; has been through a lot, enough to make anyone want to disappear from the face of the Earth, and this is the only way we can keep him from destroying himself. He's a good person and a great friend, and I'm not going to let you or anyone destroy that,”

“Jill,” Joel tried to speak, but again she cut him off. 

“No, listen Joel-” she was crying now and Robbie, Joel saw, he was on the same path as her- “he's a great damn guy,” she repeated. Joel's nervousness was now gone, frustration was now taking its place, “he have been the best roommate that you have ever had, and you can't deny it. So, if you ever considered him a friend, all I ask is for you to keep your mouth shut because he-”

“Jill, stop!” Joel snapped, not really wanting to, but he really needed her to listen once and for all. “I'm sorry for yelling-” Joel apologized to both, “but please, listen to me for a second.”

“OK...” She nodded, swiping away the tears of her face.

“Look, I'm not angry nor grossed out about it, alright?” Joel said to both of them, because he wanted Robbie to knew that it was true. “If it is what Robbie needs, then I'm fine with it.” He informed them before turning to Robbie. “I know we aren't close, but I know you enough to know that you are a great guy, a great person. Best roommate I have ever had, and I dare to even say that I considered you a friend. I would never do anything to hurt you,” Joel confessed, “so, again, if this is what you need, then I'm 100% fine with it.” Joel said honestly.

“Oh.” She voiced. Clearly, she didn't expect an answer like that. For what Joel could see, she was expecting a huge controversy, a full on fight that, honestly, she looked like she would probably win. “So, you are truly fine with this?”

“Of course.” Joel confirmed, but still she looked doubtful. “Jill, look, I'm not lying. I promise I will not tell anyone about it; I am not going to judge any of you, neither. I promise.” Joel rose his right arm as a promise symbol. 

Jill kept quiet for a moment, scrutinizing Joel to the maximum. She was a psychologist student after all. Right now she was looking for any sign that may suggest that Joel wasn't telling the truth, something that Joel knew she wouldn't find. He had no motive to lie, he wasn't a good liar anyways- not that he had tried to lie before. He didn't like to lie either, her grandmother taught him better than that.

Joel kept quiet, never removing his eyes from her because he knew Jill was worried for Robbie. The man has a good status at college; captain of the wrestling team of the University, has won first place three years in a row. There were a few other things, but Joel didn't recall at the moment. The thing was that Robbie was well known on his college; Joel understood why Jill was acting in such ways.

“I believe you.” She responded with a relief smile. “Thank you so much, Joel. You don't know how much this means for Robbie and me.”

And it was true. Robbie, who a few minutes ago looked like he was going to crumble apart, now was looking less embarrassed and even had a shy smile on his lips. 

“I promise you that we will find a suitable moment to do this if you ever feel uncomfortable,”

“Non sense.” Joel interjected. “I already told you that I'm fine with it. If you guys already have something established, then you can continue doing it. Don't mind me.”

“You are one hell of a good friend, Joel.” She thanked. “Robbie, love, where are you?” She called him, and he finally walked in the line of vision of the webcam. “There he is, my little bundle of joy.” Joel couldn't help but to smile too when seeing the man smile at Jill with so much indeed joy that made Joel's heart melt. “Wait a second,” she added in a clueless playful tone, “this is not my baby. Where is my baby Robbie, huh?” 

“Here.” He pointed at himself, trace of any embarrassment disappearing from his face.

“No, you can't be. My baby Robbie had a smiling bear on his shirt and a Mickey Mouse themed diaper, and I don't see you wearing that.” 

Joel looked in awe what they were doing. The way she talked to him, sweet and lovely, and the response she got. It reminded Joel about his little baby cousin whenever his mother talked to him.

“Where is he?” She asked again and Robbie began to take off the extra clothes, or rather trying to. He was trying take off the jacket and the sweatpants at the same time, resulting in a tangled situation. 

Joel thought about stepping in to help him out, but didn't think it was appropriate for him to do it without being asked. This was their private moment, between the two of them and Joel felt like he was actually invading their privacy by watching alone. Joel turned to leave to the kitchen to make something to eat, to let them have the privacy they deserved.

“Careful, Robbie, you're going to fall.” Jill cautioned. “Wait a second, whose jacket is it? That's not your, right?” She questioned. The jacket was way too small for Robbie, Jill noticed, no wonder he was having trouble getting out of it. It was too tight for him, how did he managed to get it on, was a mystery for her, but what she did know was that he couldn't get out of it. Not by himself, at least.

“Joel,” Joel heard Jill call his name.

Joel walked back to the living room to find a pouting Robbie, still trying to pull off the jacket.

“Joel, if is not too much asking, could you help Robbie out the jacket, please? I'm assuming it's yours, right?”

“Yeah, it is,” he confirmed with a chuckled before turning to Robbie, “Or was...”

Joel hesitated for a moment before nodding and step in. He expected Robbie to push him away or maybe even punch him, but all he received from the man was a big smile when he help him out of the damn thing, a smile that Joel have only seen on the man's face whenever Jill was around. It was pure innocent, joy in his purest form. 

Joel helped him take off the jacket before helping him step out of the sweatpants. Robbie then sat on the floor with his eyes focused on Jill and only Jill. She thanked him again before continuing their interaction.

Joel walked back to the kitchen and prepared his dinner, all while admiring their interaction. He felt bad for watching, but it was something so different and yet so normal- if that even makes sense. Did people really do this? Or just them? Said question cause curiosity in Joel, and he made a mental note to search information about it, since he wasn't sure he could ask Jill such uncomfortable questions.

Once dinner was ready, he ate in silence. He tried, more than once, not to stare at the living room but he always ended up admiring their interaction.

“Oh, shi- darn!” Joel heard Jill almost curse, when Joel was on his way to his room. “Joel!” She called again and he ran back into the living room in a hurry, thinking the worst.

“What's wrong?” Joel asked, scanning the living room and Robbie to see if something happened to him.

“He's fine,” she informed first before continuing, “but I need your help.” She added, and Joel was having some idea of what she was going to ask. “I know that this is too soon to ask- way too soon to even think about it- but, can you, please, take over?”

“I'm sorry, what?” Joel asked back and he was pretty sure his eyes couldn't be wider. “I wouldn't know what to do.”

“I'll explain in a bit, but please? I just received an email from my professor telling me that there was a problem with the system and the darn test we sent, all got deleted.”

“But what I'm supposed to do? I don't -” Joel tried to say.

“Please, Joel,” Jill begged, and Joel felt like if he was trapped between a sword and a wall. He could say no, he knew he could, but Robbie looked so lost and confuse, he couldn't say no. 

“Alright.” It was settled, he was going to do this. “What do you need me to do?” Joel was going to do his best. _How difficult this could be?_ Joel thought, very confident of himself, _I'm sure I can do this_.


	2. Chapter 2

“I don't think I can do this.” Joel said to himself, it was way too much information to take in so sudden. That was not what he expected himself doing when he came home that afternoon. He had gotten the next two days off from work- not by choice- so he imagined having a nice relax evening: paint for a while, draw, or maybe watch some TV. It has been a while since he gotten to do any of that. Instead he had agreed to take care of his grown up roommate that was minutes away from crying.

Jill Stafford, whom Joel always thought to be Robbie's girlfriend, was actually his caregiver, or 'mommy' like Robbie called her when the video chat ended. She had called Joel on his cellphone to give him a quick, superficial, explanation of the whole matter. 'Headspace', Joel recalled the term she used for Robbie's behavior. Something about regressing and childhood, Joel didn't quite got that part. There was a lot of things Jill had explained that made no sense in the moment, but at least she promised to answer his questions another time. The thing was, between all she had explained and informed, Joel got lost and forgot most of what she and Robbie were supposed to do. Joel felt like crap, all he remembered was to give him a bottle of milk, read him a story before going to sleep and somewhere in between, something about checking his diaper. If it was wet, it needed to be changed, or something like that. 

The whole situation felt funny, even though it wasn't. It felt like it was pulled out of a movie or a story; it was surreal.

“Alright, Robbie,” Joel cleared his throat, sitting on the floor next to him, “what do you want to do?” Joel asked, not really knowing what to expect. 

Robbie stared at him in silence, frowning in confusion, before he pointed at the TV. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” Joel stood up to put a movie, but stopped when Robbie shook his head still pointing at the TV. “Cartoons maybe?” Joel inquired, but received the same reaction from Robbie. “No cartoons, then.” Joel sighed, trying to figure out what else Robbie could be asking for. “You wanna play Xbox?” He felt dumb for asking, but who knew, right? Joel didn't know how it all worked so it was a possibility. 

But again, it wasn't what Robbie was asking for. Robbie pouted, and Joel noticed that he was frustrated as well. 

“I'm sorry, Robbie, I don't know what you want,” Joel answered, sitting in front him, “I don't know how Jill do this.”

At the name, Joel noticed Robbie reacting nodding furiously as he pointed at the TV. Then Joel understood, Robbie wanted to see Jill. Of course! They were supposed to have the night together.

“Oh, you want to talk to mommy, huh?” Joel said, smiling at Robbie whose face lighted up at the mention of Jill. But the smile on Joel's face faded way when realizing that Jill couldn't. That's why he was there with Robbie, to babysit him. Damn it, Joel curse to himself, he knew that he had to choose his next words carefully because otherwise, things would not go as smoothly as he hoped it would.

“Ok, Robbie, mommy can't talk right now,” Joel explained, trying to imitate how Jill talked to Robbie, ineffectively, “mommy is busy, OK?” If Joel thought that it was going to be easy, he was dead wrong. 

Robbie's eyes started to tear up and Joel began to freak out, even more when Robbie began to sob silently. Nothing in life had prepared him to deal with a situation like that. He tried to made memory of what Jill had told him but it was useless; he didn't function properly when he was pressured. He tried dialing Jill, but she didn't respond. Joel was on his own, he was trusted to do that, so he had to do something.

“Do you want to play with these blocks? No?” he began to ask to see if something called Robbie's attention, “do you want to see cartoons? no? emh, do you want to go for walk?” _Go for walk? Really Joel?_ , Joel said to himself, _it's eight PM and it's thirty degrees outside, I don't think it's a good idea_. But luckily, Robbie shook his head. “Oh, thank goodness.” Joel sighed in relief. 

He kept suggesting, but every single question, Robbie shook his head. Joel didn't know what else to do and something told him that calling Jill for the tenth time wan't going to do the trick. Joel sat on the floor again, in utter defeat, when he heard Robbie's stomach growling. Of course, he was hungry. Joel checked the time on the phone and remembered, it was Robbie's time to go to bed. He had skipped the time for the bottle. How could he forgotten that?

“Of course, you are hungry, I'm sorry” Joel apologized, mentally insulting himself for the hundredth time, “stay here, I'll be back in a few,”

Joel stood up to go to the kitchen, luckily, the kitchen was four steps away. The apartment wasn't that big, so he could keep watch of Robbie while he prepared the bottle, or try to anyways. Just when he stepped into the kitchen, his phone chimed, he had received a new message.

Joel quickly opened his phone, it was from Jill:

JOEL, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. ROBBIE'S LITTLE SUPPLIES ARE IN THE KITCHEN CABINET, IN THE FAR BACK IN THE GYM BACKPACKS. YOU'LL FIND EVERYTHING IN THERE: BOTTLES, FORMULA AND DIAPERS. I HOPE EVERYTHING IS GOING OK. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, JOEL.

“Diapers,” Joel remembered, he hasn't checked that either. He was the worst babysitter ever. 

Joel walked back to Robbie, he looked much calmed, playing with the blocks. Joel knelt besides him with the intention of asking if he was wet, but just one look at the diaper confirmed that yes, he indeed was wet.

“You are wet, huh?” Joel asked out loud, but received nothing but quick silent stare from Robbie, without stopping playing with the blocks.

Joel smiled at that, before he walked back to the kitchen, looking for the cabinet that belonged to the brothers. One of the rules that they had agreed upon when Joel first moved in was that they would have their own cabinets and pantries, along with other privacy rules. Back then, Joel didn't comprehend why, but now he knew the reason.  
Exactly like Jill said, in the far back, behind the pans and pots, he spotted two gym bags. Inside of one of them, he found what he was looking for: diapers and wipes.

He quickly went back to the living room and sat the supplies on the small coffee table. 

“OK, Robbie, the moment has come,” Joel announced, prompting Robbie to lay down in the floor, “it's time to change that wet diaper of yours,”

_Well, this is somewhat normal, right?_ Joel talked to himself, _is not a big deal_. He tried to find some positive thoughts to get through that. _It's like changing a baby's diaper_ , he thought, only that that baby was wrestler that could knock him out easily. Nop, it wasn't working. 

Joel unstrapped the diaper from Robbie's hip and, hesitantly, opened it. Robbie closed his eyes, face blushing in embarrassment as soon as Joel removed the diaper.

“It's ok, Robbie. Everything is cool,” Joel tried to sooth him. _Who am I kidding?_ Joel said to himself. Hell, it wasn't working on Joel either! Everything wan't 'cool', Joel knew, it wasn't.

Joel though they both needed a distraction, something to take their mind off for a moment until the awkward/uncomfortable moment ended, but Joel had no idea what. Then he remembered, the pacifier Jill told him about.

Joel turned around to find the rubbery, and possible, live saver, but didn't see it anywhere. He couldn't ask Robbie because Joel was sure that Robbie wouldn't answer. It still confused Joel how it all worked. Earlier Robbie was aware, aware enough to dress himself and to look 'presentable' in a way to talk to him. Still, not that much for Joel to say that he was back to be 'himself' or whatever term they use for when he was back to be how he usually was. Anyways, where did he put that pacifier? 

“Of course!” Joel said out loud, “Here you are!” he crowed.

Joel had remembered earlier, when Robbie had come to call him, he was pulling on the side of his pants. Joel figured that he wasn't just pulling at all, but fiddling something inside of one of the sweatpants pocket, that something being the pacifier.

“Here.” Joel offered the pacifier over Robbie's lips, along with that fluffy blue blanket he was holding earlier. “I think this will take your mind off.” 

Robbie looked at Joel for a moment before opening his mouth for Joel to put the pacifier in. As soon as he took it, he covered his face with the blanket, sucking hard at the rubbery thing. It was the chance Joel needed.

“I'll promise I'll be fast,” 

The shorter man began the process that he have only seen and read about- you know, the change of diaper thing - and Joel struggle because it was easier said than done. It was a difficult task to do, and even more difficult when the junks he was wiping clean belonged to his roommate that was twice as strong and heavier than Joel was. Still, there Joel was, doing the task as quick and thorough as possible. Joel talked to him, saying sweet nothing because Joel remembered that that was what his grandma used to do when she took care of their neighbor's baby. Luckily enough, it did work. Robbie didn't look as nervous as he did before, he look calmed- a bit embarrassed -but calmed. 

“I think we are good.” Joel announced. “It wasn't that bad, wasn't it? Or was it? We are still in one piece so, hurray for that!” He crowed in an attempt to lift up the mood. Successively! 

Robbie smiled at him. If he was making fun of Joel for making such a big deal out of it, Joel didn't know. All he cared about in that moment was that he didn't mess up and that he made Robbie smile. Joel has always liked Robbie's genuine smile. He also liked to make him smile and, something that rarely happened, laugh because whenever he did, Benjamin seemed to be content about it. On the other hand, whom Joel never had seen smile, let alone laugh in the years that they had been living together was Benjamin. They hardly spoke, and whenever Joel and Benjamin spoke, a strange tension always appeared in the same room. It was strange...  
Anyways, making the brothers laugh was a life goal that Joel wanted to accomplish. As to why, he didn't know, but he had his mind onto it.

“Alright, Robbie, I'm suppose you are hungry? Do you want something to eat?” Joel asked, but just for asking. He knew what Robbie wanted. “How does a bottle of warm milk sounds like?” And holy molly, the smile that splat across Robbie's face was something very fulfilling. It filled Joel up with so much joy that all he wanted to do in that moment was to hug the heck out of Robbie. “I'll take that as a yes.” Joel chuckled, before standing up. “Stay here, ok? Don't move.” He ordered, but could Robbie understand? Joel made sure to keep and eyes on him just in case.

Joel went to the kitchen and opened the other gym bag. Inside he found more baby supplies, but they were slightly larger than normal ones. Joel wondered for how long that has been going on.

He picked a bottle and the formula from the bag. He washed the bottle before filling it with warm milk, following the instructions on the label. He warm it up and came back into the living room to find Robbie lying in the same spot he left him, snoozing in and out of sleep. Joel found the scene oddly cute; Robbie holding on to that fluffy tattered blanket while he peacefully sucked at the pacifier.

“Robbie.” Joel called him in the sweetest way possible as so not to startle him. “Lets go to bed, shall we?”

As much as Joel wished to carry him, he couldn't. Joel wondered if Jill ever felt angry at the fact that she couldn't carry Robbie around. Robbie, just like his brother, were big guys, and by big Joel meant 6 feet and over, unlike Joel who was just 5"5'. They were stupidly strong. They could pick up Joel effortlessly if they wanted to, but then again, a twelve year old boy could do it too with no problem.

“Lets go to bed. I'll read you a story while you drink your milk, how does that sound?” Another smile. That's got be a new record. 

Joel managed to coax Robbie into standing up and walk. He held Joel's hand while he guided them toward Robbie's bedroom. Once they were in front of the room, Joel opened the door and brought him in, he froze for a moment when he realized that that was the first time that he had ever seen the sibling's room, moreover, being inside the room. 

The room was as big as Joel's room. Maybe a little bigger, just as Joel had imagined to be, minus the trophies and achievements. It was simple decorated room: it had a queen sized bunk bed on the far left of the room, a dark wooden dresser with six drawers across from the bed. On the right side of the dresser was a small desk full with papers, books and a laptop and just besides the door, there was another desk looking just the same like the other one. Joel assumed that it belonged to Robbie, it was a bit more colorful. Across from the desk first desk was a big wooden wardrobe, matching the color of the dresser. They looked expensive, by the way. Next to the bed was a night stand with a lamp, and unlike his room, there was a window. And of course, the door that led to the shared bathroom, on the left side of the dresser.

Once Joel took in the room, he continued walking.

“C'mon, Robbie, up you go.” Joel urged Robbie to get inside the covers of the lower bed and Robbie obeyed without protesting. He was tired, it was obvious. Once he was nice and cozy, tucked under the thick grey quilt, as promised, Joel gave him the bottle of milk. Joel laughed when seeing Robbie spitting out the pacifier for the bottle.. 

“Hey there, slow down. No one is going to take away your milk.” Joel laughed, unconsciously removing a few bangs from Robbie's forehead. “Do you want me to read you a story?” Joel asked, and even though he was barely awake, he nodded. “Alright.”

Joel stood up and walked over the second desk, and just like Jill had told, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone sat there under stack of papers. 

“This is awesome!” Joel cheered, turning off the room's light before sitting down besides Robbie. “I've never had the chance to read it.” He confessed. “This is going to be incredibly awesome!” Joel was exited. “Are you ready?” That last question appeared to be more to Joel himself than for Robbie. “Alright, let start: "Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much..." ”

Joel began to read the book, and it was funny because he had never gotten so into a story before. To the point were he didn't even notice the time flying away. Robbie was long asleep by the time Joel reached the tenth chapter, and it was almost midnight. He thought about reading one more chapter, take a shower and then go into his own bed. It sounded like a plan but when he tried to stand, he felt something holding him back. It turned out that Robbie had fallen asleep holding a fistful of his shirt. Joel debated on what to do. In the end he decided to just stay for a few more minutes, until he could find a way to make Robbie let go of his shirt. The man had a strong grasp.

Joel reached and turned off the nightstand's lamp, after putting the book down. He slipped under the covers with Robbie, who quickly settled against him, wrapping his arms around Joel. He froze at Robbie's action and asked himself what he had gotten himself into. Twenty four hours ago, he and Robbie were just roommates; not even close enough to call it a friendship. But now he was in his room, had changed his diaper, prepared a bottle of milk, read a story to him and currently had Robbie's head resting against his chest. And the strangest part of it all was Joel didn't feel uncomfortable at all. And that got him thinking: was thing a good sign or a bad sign?

Joel sure hoped that wasn’t a bad thing. He also hoped that those moments of extraordinary joy didn't come back to bite him in the ass like it always seemed to happen to him. For the first time in his life, he wished to just be happy and forget about the negative thoughts. And without realizing, between thoughts and thoughts, Joel fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It was still dark when something had woken Joel up, and he wasn't sure what was it. Turning face down on the unusual comfy bed, Joel buried his face on his pillow. This morning it smelled differently, good and he loved it; It reminded him of something familiar, but he wasn't quite sure of what. He spent the next ten minutes trying to figure out what it reminded him of until he gave up and tried to fall asleep. A few more minutes of solace, he felt some movements on the bed, and he freaked out. 

Joel sat quickly, remembering what had happened yesterday. He swore that what had happened was a dream, but no! He was there, on the bed, right next to Robbie. He wasn't supposed to stay, when had he fallen asleep anyways? What if Robbie decided to wake up and saw him? Joel wasn't prepared to face that.  
Not really wanting to see that outcome, Joel reached for the phone on the nightstand to check the time before leaving to his own room. The phone showed five o'clock, but he had to triple check because of the lock-screen's picture. He did memory of the day before, but he didn't remember changing the damn thing. It wasn't until a message popped on the screen - BENJI UR BRO IS COMING 2 RIGHT? - that he realized that it wasn't his phone but Benjamin's, Robbie's brother.

Joel freaked out even more, settling the device back to where it was. Benjamin had seen him sleeping beside Robbie, Joel realized. He was doomed, that was for sure. Wanting to avoid any uncomfortable conversation with either of the siblings, Joel slid out of bed to get out of the room. Going through the bathroom was the quickest way because it was connected to his own room. Trying not to make any sound, Joel slowly opened the bathroom's door. He was so concentrated on not waking Robbie that he didn't realize that there was someone in the bathroom. How had he not heard the shower running? 

_Damn it!_ he cursed to himself, Benjamin was taking a shower and he, like a creepo, stood inside the bathroom. Joel studied his choices: going back or sneak into his room. The door to his room was literally three steps away. However, the time to think was over, the water stopped running and Joel almost had a heart attack. He quickly turned around to the still opened door into sibling's room, closing it as silently as possible. Maybe exiting through the other door was a better idea, he pointed himself out, but then he heard the damn shower curtain sliding open. Joel- with his poor under pressure choice- jumped back into the bed, resuming his previous position just in time before the bathroom's door opened.

He closed his eyes and stayed still, playing it cool as if he was still asleep. He heard some movement, the opening and closing of drawers and then silent. His heart was beating a hundred miles per hour, he was so friggingly nervous that he felt himself shaking. Joel didn't hear any more movement, so he allowed himself to open his eyes to suss out the situation. Maybe Benjamin was gone, right? WRONG!

The moment he opened his eyes, they landed on the older brother in front of the dresser, half naked, using his phone. Perhaps replaying the message. Joel breathed deep, trying to calm himself from shaking, but it got worse. He then saw Benjamin put the phone down and pulled off the towel from around his hips. _Oh my god_ , Joel muted, closing his eyes. He was a trembling mess, the worse he had ever gotten. More than nervous he was scared. How had he gotten himself in a situation like that? If he managed to get out of there alive, he was a hundred percent sure that it was going to haunt him forever. 

He listened for Benjamin's movements, probably getting dressed. If that didn't turn him into a creep, he didn't know what would. On thing for sure, he wasn't planning of opening his eyes any time soon. He didn't know how much time had passed until he felt Benjamin sat on the border of the bed, muttering something about the whereabout of his sport shoes. Anyways, he was close to him and Joel tried to calm himself down, but his body continued trembling and nothing he had tried so far helped. It was evident, Benjamin had to notice. At least five or seven scenarios played on Joel's mind about the probably outcomes, and every ending consisted of him getting beaten painfully. He was so dramatic, he knew, but is not like it hasn't happened in the past.

The scenarios came and went non stop, until this strange feeling hit him, like if he was being watched. He had sense it before but not as intense as in that moment. Then he felt a light touch on the back of his hand that ghosted all the way up his arm and neck, ending on his face. A sweet smell of soap reached Joel's nose as he drifted away. He felt the warmth of fingers ghosting the right side of his face, his lips, and god! It felt so good. Joel leaned to the touch without realizing and came to his senses- luckily without opening his eyes. Whatever thing that was happening, stopped, leaving Joel with the doubt: Did that really happened or did he dreamed it? There was no way for him to know for sure, and asking, obviously, was out of the questions. It was for him and him alone to debate. But there was something for sure, the emptiness it left behind was real. 

“Benny?” Robbie's raspy voice interrupted Joel train thoughts. “Benny,” he called again, he had just woken up, Joel figured.

“What,” Benjamin responded with that stupidly deep voice of his. The man sounded annoyed for some reason.

“Is it time already?” Robbie asked, his voice now muzzled. Probably because he had buried his face in the other pillow.

“You have five more minutes,” Joel heard Benjamin answer before feeling the man standing up from the bed, “also, we gotta talk.” That didn't sound good.

“Talk?” Robbie question, “why?” but didn't receive a reply from his brother.

It was obvious for Joel what the conversation was going to be about; what else could it be?  
Joel remained as he was until he heard Benjamin exit the room. Once he was sure the older sibling had indeed left, Joel slid out of the bed into the bathroom. He needed to talk with Benjamin to clear things up. The least Joel wanted were problems. 

Joel got into his room, took a few deep breaths before walking to the door that led to the corridor. He had set his mind into it, he wanted to do this right, and if that meant him having a face to face conversation with Benjamin, so be it. Joel was sure that the man would be understanding, it wasn't like he did anything bad. Joel opened the door, walked down the corridor, passing the sibling's room towards the living room. He really was going to face his fears and talk with Benjamin, but he stopped before entering the living room. Benjamin was talking on the phone with someone about him and he sounded furious. The words that Joel managed to catch were hurtful, turning whatever confided he had built into dust. Joel felt like crumbling apart in that moment. 

With the little strength he got left, Joel managed to held himself together as he walked towards his room. Once he got there, he laid down on his bed and cried. Yesterday's short moment of joy came back and bit him on the ass, just like he feared it would. He should've known better, he wasn't meant to be happy.  
Just like that, crying and feeling like crap, Joel fell asleep. And not for the first time.


	4. Chapter 4

It took more than seven messages and five calls to wake Joel up. The continuous short vibrations against his tight grew exasperating, especially when he was trying to sleep. Joel wasn't a heavy sleeper, but giving of what had happened - how long ago? – all he wanted to do was sleep. Reaching for the phone from inside of one of his jean's pocket, Joel raised it to his ear without opening his eyes.

“FINALLY!” The person on the other end of the call cheered before Joel could even say hello, “I've been trying to get a hold of you till this morning, Joel,”

“Tasha?” Joel asked before yawning the next question, “what's going on?”

“My god, Joel,” she exclaimed, “can you hear me? or did you swallow your phone?” and Joel couldn't help but to laugh.

Tasha Lee, his boss from the coffee shop he works on and one of his favorite people in the World. She's of those people whose sole presence shines your entire day. Like, no matter how sad or frustrated you could be, it was kind of impossible not to smile or laugh when being around her. Joel had always pictured her like the human incarnation of that 80's pop song, 'Walking on sunshine', because of how cheerful she was. 

“I've been trying to reach you for the last couple of hours,” she informed over the busy coffee shop noise on the background, “look, the place is crowded today and-”

“I'll be there in no time,” Joel interrupted her, getting out of bed to collect his bathroom supplies.

“Hey, hey, wait, hold your horses, cowboy,” she interjected, “First of all, we don't need you right way, so calm your tits,” she said in that comical voice of her, “secondly, we talked about this Joel,” she reminded him and, once again, Joel laughed. He had an idea of what she was going to say next, “we gotta stop interrupting people. Now c'mon, say it with me: I gotta stop interrupting people, ” she prompted him to repeat and he did, for what felt the sixtieth time since he started working in the coffee shop, “because...?” she asked him next, stretching the end of the word ridiculously long .

“Because it's impolite,” Joel responded with a chuckle.

“Yass,” she celebrated before giving a few orders to one of the coworkers. “OK, so, we are going to be short staffed in the afternoon, and since your two days off weren't official, just a gift from 'moi', I'm gonna need you back on board, 'aright' ?”

“Of course,” Joel agreed, already getting ready to get in the shower.

“Excellent! But remember that we're still gotta talk about you taking a break, OK? See ya here at one,”

“I'll be there at twelve thirty,” Joel replied, laughing when Tasha groaned in annoyance before hanging up.

Joel quickly undressed and stepped into the shower, not really wanting to waste time. If there was something he really enjoyed doing was working in the coffee shop. He liked it there so much that he often worked overtime and more than once he sneaked in and worked on his days off. By the time Tasha caught him, he had already being there working for three or four hours. He couldn't help it.  
Her grandma, in the days of her youth, was one of the best baristas of her time. Joel grew up admiring her and made it a life goal of his to become a barista as good as her. She had tough him everything she knew but Joel never seemed to make it work. He always got too nervous or too focus, the ending results being disastrously messy. Just like that one time he was granted to work under the wing of the barista for a week. His co-workers still refers to that week as 'The Great Depresso'.  
Yeah... it wasn't a pretty week.

He finished taking the shower, got dressed and got back into his room. His backpack was still unpacked, so that one was out the way. He picked up his beanie and the scarf from the floor and remembered that the spare clothes he had in the locker of his work needed to be changed. Joel was clumsy at times- every now and then spilling hot coffee on him-self, so he guested that it was a safe to stash spare clothes in his locker, just for emergencies. The ones he had there were already dirty so he needed to change them.

Checking under his bed, Joel dragged out a military duffel bag that once belonged to his grandfather. Joel stashed a pair of jeans, one of his marvel t-shirts, a pair of socks and underwear. The bag had a lot of space left, so Joel shoved his coat, for just in case, and even his other backpack with no problem. The damn thing kind of heavy, but he could bear it. He closed his room's door and walked down the corridor but when he reached the living room, the flashbacks from yesterday popped into his head, along with everything else that had happened that morning. Any trace of happy vibe that Joel was feeling to that moment, vanished. It was like if Life had this fucked up desire of seeing Joel in constant misery, like, fudge! _Leave me be!_

Joel just stood there, at the end of the corridor, motionless. The living room was clean and organized; nothing out of place or that hinted that something ever happened there. Joel meant to clean everything up after Robbie was put to bed, but he got carried away and ended up falling sleep. If that was the reason that Benjamin got furious at him that morning, then Benjamin was an ass. Joel had always being a neat person, never gotten a complaint from them from the three and a half years of living together. And the one time it slipped his mind, it wasn't technically his fault. Well, it wasn't anyone's fault for that matter. What had happened with Robbie was something unexpected, is not like it was an everyday thing. Or what it?

It was something had bugged Joel the day before: _was that something Robbie did all the time? If so, for how long has it being going on? Did Benjamin know? Was he part of it? Against it? UGH?_  
So many questions popped inside his mind that it started to give Joel a headache.

Joel walked to the coat hanger next to the door and took his jacket. Like he suspected, it looked stretched but it was the only one he owned so, it'll do. He palpated the pockets for the gloves, and luckily, they were there. He finally put his bag on his back and headed for the door and after having checked if he had everything he needed, he left for work.

Outside, the weather looked promising, shiny, and beautiful and better yet, it wasn't that cold. Usually, Joel walked to work; it was just half an hour walk from the apartment if he kept an even pace. Today he decided he would take a taxi or a bus, his shoulders were starting to protest the weight of the duffel bag. There was a bus stop two buildings away from his apartment, on the other side the street. Around this time, Joel had seen it drive by, so he walked there. Joel rested the bag on the floor and sat on the little bench waiting for the bus to arrive. When it was arriving, from around the corner, Joel spotted a familiar sportbike that parked in front of his apartment. It was Benjamin. 

The man still dressed in his gym clothes, the same ones Joel remembered him wearing this morning. Joel saw him get off the bike like he normally did when arriving home until he noticed Joel's presence from across the street. He took off his helmet staring at Joel in a mix of anger and disbelief and Joel couldn't help but to look away. He got scared when seeing the man slowly walking his direction. Joel wasn't ready to face him, not at the moment and he was relief when the bus arrived. Joel took the duffel bag and got in as fast as he could, sitting in the far back of the bus. Luckily for him, the bus drove away quickly. He felt bad for a moment, but he knew it was for the best if they talked in another occasion. The least he wanted was to piss off Benjamin even further. Joel wanted to clear things up, but to make that possible he needed to clear his head as to not mess things up.

As the bus drove away, Joel hesitantly looked back. He saw Benjamin pace a few times in distress before furiously throwing his helmet against a wall, in full force. It shocked Joel big time and he felt some tears bubbling up in his eyes.  
Apparently, matter what choice he made, it always seems to be the wrong one. Joel didn’t know what to think or do anymore. All he knew was that somehow, his life worsened in the course of one night, without a single clue as to why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff is coming, I promise :) 
> 
> Also, YumiRedfox, thanks for the shout out. I really appreciate it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel finally had enough and confront Benjamin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted two chapters because I have no self control. Also, cuz I know you all gonna like the next chapter... hopefully :)  
> Enjoy.

Going to work have always been the highlight of Joel’s day, but for the first time in years, it wasn’t even close. More than once he messed up orders and even managed to spill hot coffee on himself. Three times in a row. He couldn’t function properly and that pissed him off. Tasha tried to talk to him but Joel, being the stubborn man he was, didn’t open up to her entirely. He wasn’t ‘fine’or ‘OK’, he was far from it, but he knew that if he started to talk to her about what was really happening, that would've meant that he would spill every single detail and he couldn’t do that because of Robbie. He had promised to keep it a secret because it wasn’t his secret to tell. At least Tasha had been understanding enough not to pressure him into talking, but told him that he should take a few days off, this time being “fo'h real”. Joel accepted without a fight which caused Tasha to freak out. Twenty minutes passed before Tasha calmed down and another ten telling every single co-worker that he’ll be fine. At the end of the shift, Tasha offered to drive him home and he couldn't say no.  
She dropped him off and after she drove away, he stood in front of the building, just staring at it for a few minutes before he walked in. His heart pounded harder against his chest with every step he took, hoping to just have a nice relax evening.

Stopping in front of his apartment door, Joel heard an argue. He couldn't identify the voices, but he was sure that it has to be the brothers since they never brought anyone home- another one of their rules. Joel took a moment to assess the situation before actually facing whatever was going on behind that door and after a quick consideration, he unlocked the door an entered. 

Across the room, in the middle of the living room, stood Benjamin and Robbie having some sort of discussion, not a good one by the look on their faces. There wasn't blood nor bruises, so that meant they weren't fighting, which was a good sign. Turning their heads towards the door, they stared at Joel, both looking at him as if Joel had grown a third eyes.

“What's going on?” Joel slowly asked, feeling self-aware.

Both siblings looked at each other, having one of those silent conversations consisting of nods, stares and vague face gestures that, in another occasion, Joel would find funny to watch. They finally reached some sort of conclusion, at least Robbie did. Benjamin didn't look happy about it. 

“Joel,” Robbie managed to say before Benjamin held him by the upper arms, stopping him from moving. “Ben, please,” the youngest brother said, sounding more like an order than a beg. Benjamin didn't look content about it, but let go of his brother.  
“Joel,” he began one more time, coming closer to Joel and he noticed that he was acting as his former adult self, or whatever term they called it. The thing was that he was acting like he usually did. 

Joel put down his bag, ready to face whatever was going to happen. He was hungry, tired and pissed off; he smelled like cappuccino, latte and espresso, and he probably tasted like it because of all the times he spilled them over himself. He felt sticky too and that was something he hated, so whatever was coming, he was sure wasn't going to keep his mouth shut. Not this time. 

“Are you moving out?” the question blurted out from Robbie's mouth, catching Joel off guard.  
Now that was a question he never thought he was going to be asked. 

“What? No,” Joel responded, _what was that all about?_

“What about the duffel bag I saw you with this morning?” Benjamin questioned next. Unlike other times, he sounded less defensive. Joel wasn't sure, but he dared to venture and think that Benjamin sounded worried. 

“I had to take some things to work and that's the only bag I have that was big enough to fit it all,” Joel explained, not sure what was all about. And damn, he realized he had left it at work.

“So, you are not moving out then?” Robbie asked this time, his eyes shinning down at him.

“No,” 

Robbie sighed in relief- actually, both brothers did - and Joel witnessed the change on Robbie. A small smile grew on Robbie's face, mixed with some stranded tears that rolled down his face. 

“I told you,” Robbie said to his brother with a knot in his throat before he walked away to his room, head down. Joel called him a couple of times, but Robbie didn't answer. 

“What's going on?” Joel asked Benjamin, completely lost, to which the man ignored with a sigh and a rolling of eyes before heading for the kitchen. That was it, Joel had it.

Completely pissed, Joel walked to Benjamin and confronted him. Joel needed answers, and he was going to get them. Knowing full well that Benjamin could knock him out with a single punch, Joel stepped in front of the tall man in the kitchen, blocking the only way out. 

“What is your problem with me?” Joel confronted him, feeling the adrenaline rushing through him.

“Joel, move,” Benjamin calmly asked, but of course, Joel did not budge, “can we talk about this tomorrow?” he asked again, closing his eyes. 

“No,” Joel spat back, putting a hand on Benjamin's chest to stop him from passing around him. Benjamin breathed deep, a hand balled into fist, knuckles turning white. If Joel noticed of not, it didn't stop him from blocking the kitchen entrance any less. 

“Please, Joel,” Benjamin repeated, trying very hard to keep the calmness in his voice.

“No,” once again Joel refused, “we are going to talk 'cause I'm done with whatever problem you have with me.” It wasn't just about the whole current situation anymore. Ever since day one, Joel always had the feeling that Benjamin hated him, and back then Joel didn't say anything because he needed the place. But he couldn't anymore. And yes, the another reason for Joel not saying anything was because he kinda felt attracted to the man. But after years of just cold stares and indifference, Joel had enough. “You can call me whatever you want after it; An asshole, a son of a bitch or even say that I'm a money whore,” Joel quoted the insults he heard that morning and Benjamin's eyes grew wide in surprise. The man was speechless, frustrated, angry.  
“Just talk to me.” Joel whispered in a fail attempt hold the urge to cry. When he got nothing in return, Joel repeated himself, angrily pushing Benjamin. Bad choice.

Benjamin grabbed Joel's upped arms with a shook, before holding him in place. Their faces were inches away from each other, so close they were basically breathing each other in. Their eyes locked, they were gasping, sweating; their lips felt dry, and the tension between the two maximized. Their bodies tremble; Benjamin's grip lessen, slowly sliding down to Joel's forearm were he held onto, same as Joel. Slowly, without them realizing, they began to lean into each other, inches apart from their lips- and Benjamin's phone rang loudly, startling the shit out of them.  
They quickly separated from each other, fixing their composure- or rather trying to.

“Hello,” Benjamin answered after clearing his throat, his eyes fixed on Joel, “he is in the room, probably sleeping.” he responded and Joel assumed that it was Jill. “Yeah, emh, give me a second.” Joel heard him say.“Joel, can you,” he stuttered nervously, “can you check on Robbie? Jill is very, very, very busy,” he was now babbling.

“Yes, sure,” Joel responded in the same state as Benjamin, slowly walking towards Robbie's room, having a lot of trouble making his legs to function properly, same with his hands. He had to lick his lips because they were so dry that he almost chapped them. 

“Joel,” he heard Benjamin call his name from the apartment's door and Joel turned so fast he had prompt himself from the wall because almost lost his balance, “I gotta run some errands, OK?” he informed Joel, feeling as awkward as Joel were.

“Yeah, sure, sure sure,” Joel laughed awkwardly, stuttering badly when he saying: “um, I'll be with Robbie,”

“That's, yeah, that would be awesome-” He looked so funny trying to put his leather jacket on- “Gotta go,” he said, quickly exiting the apartment.

Joel stood there like a dumbass, staring at the door for three solid minutes before coming back to his senses. He turned back to into the sibling's room to find Robbie sitting in the floor in nothing but a underwear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Criticism and/or suggestions are welcome.  
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story.


	6. Chapter 6

“Robbie,” Joel worried, kneeling in front of Robbie.

Joel found him sitting on the floor, one leg still inside of his brown cargo shorts, staring into the wall in front of him. Tears bubbled on Robbie's eyes as he looked down into himself embarrassed. The smell of urine hit Joel's nose and Joel understood, he had pissed himself. The familiar gym bag was opened on the bed, Joel assumed that he had tried to changed but didn't make it on time.

“It's OK,” Joel said, trying to pacify him, sharing a warm smile, “do you wan't me to help you?” Joel asked, offering a hand that Robbie took with a nod.

Before prompting Robbie off the floor, he took the shorts off his leg and let it on the floor, making a mental note to take care of it later. Joel then guided him to he bathroom, thinking that a shower was a better idea than baby wipes. In the bathroom, Joel let the water run, checked the temperature of it, before helping Robbie getting out of his urine stained tighty whities and into the shower. Automatically, Robbie sat in the floor of the tub, just letting the water washing over him. Joel, who was about to step out of the bathroom, saw that and stopped. He thought that maybe he should, you know, help him but then realized, _what the hell am I doing?_  
One thing was preparing a bottle of milk, another thing was changing a diaper - _which, by the way, still was too much_ \- and another thing was actually bathing his twenty four year old roommate.  
No, he wasn't going to do it. He was going to walk away and take a shower himself in the other bathroom.

“Here,” Joel found himself kneeling besides Robbie, offering him the shower sponge.

Robbie took the sponge but didn't anything but to hold it between his hands. Joel, no really sure what the heck he was thinking, took the sponge and slowly began to wash Robbie. The man didn't do anything besides what he was told: lift your arm, the other arm, etc. When it came to his private parts, Joel managed to make Robbie do it himself. Thankfully.  
After that, Joel shampooed Robbie's hair, taking his time massaging his scalp when noticing that it drowsed him off. A good night sleep, Joel figured that that was Robbie needed after seeing him earlier. He probably spent the day worried, thinking that Joel was moving out.  
Once Joel washed Robbie's hair, he took one of the towels from the white linen cabinet on far left of the bathroom, next to the door to Joel's room. Grabbing the biggest one they got, Joel covered Robbie with it and got him back to his room. 

Joel put the gym bag on the floor before lying Robbie on the bed. He then grabbed a diaper from the bag and the baby powder as well. It was in there too, so why not use it? As he could, Joel managed to put Robbie on diapers and, after checking the drawers, a shirt that had to belong to Robbie because had a superman logo on the front. It looked a little loosened, but maybe he liked them that way, Joel assumed. Robbie was showered and dressed, under the coves and on his way to dreamland, Joel finally could shower. NOT.

“Joel,” Robbie whined silently, before Joel could close the door. Joel, in a blink of an eyes was besides him, passing his hand through Robbie's hair. “Joel no leave,”

“I have to, I can't get in the bed as I am. I'll get the bed sheets dirty,” Joel tried to reason. 

“Joel no leave,” Robbie reiterated holding onto Joel's hand as he began to cry, “stay home,”

That last part make Joel realize, it wasn't that Robbie didn't want to let him leave the room, Robbie was asking him not to move out, something that Joel wasn't planning on doing at all.

“Oh, no, Robbie,” Joel said, to calm Robbie down, “ Joel is not leaving home,” - _did I just refer to myself in third person?_ \- “Joel is just going to take a shower and grab something to eat,” - _Yep, I believe I did_.

“And then is be back here?” Robbie asked in a cute childish voice that almost made Joel forget about the shower and stay there with him.

“Yes,” Joel nodded with a chuckle, “Joel 'is be back here',” _why I keep doing it!?_.

“Okey,” Robbie agreed, letting him go. 

Joel quickly left to his room, picking his shower supplies, his towel and clothes. He ran back into the bathroom to take the shower. Once he felt he was clean again, he stepped out of the shower, dried himself and then put on his pajamas. Feeling new, he exited the bathroom to grab something to eat, making another mental note to pick up his shower supplies in the morning.  
Luckily for him, unusual at best, he found something quick. There was a box of pizza on the counter, it wan't dead cold, so it was good. He ate two of three slices, because it had pepperoni on it and Joel wasn't a fan of eating meat.

Once he finished, and checked on Robbie, he took the opportunity to do a few chores around the apartment, including - and that was something he never expected to ever do- hand wash Robbie's urine stained clothe, at least a little bit, to avoid the stench in the morning.  
Once he finished, he went back into into the bed with Robbie. 

When feeling Joel's presence, still asleep, Robbie cuddled with Joel. Wrapping his arms around him, Joel held him as if he was holding a baby in his arms, only that instead of a baby, it was Robbie's upper body. Could Joel breath properly? No. Was he going to stop? No. Was he enjoying the whole taking care of Robbie? Yes.  
And that worried him a bit. Things seemed to be working out again and others were starting to, somewhat, clear out. The least he wanted was to have a problem with Jill too. She had always being nice to him and Joel didn't want her to be angry thinking that he wanted to steal her 'baby'.  
Anyways, that was a matter to worry about in the morning because, for now, Joel was going to enjoy that moment and the happiness it brought within him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Criticism and/or suggestions are welcome.  
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story.


	7. Chapter 7

Waking up early without the need of going to work was something Joel wasn't accustomed to; likewise with waking up in a bed that wasn't his own. However, the past days, so far, have been the craziest he had ever lived and, after a late night debate with himself, Joel had come to the conclusion that, maybe, this was his new normal. There were still a whole lot of things that he didn't understand for the moment, but he knew that all he had to do now was ask. Hopefully, answers would be given.

Joel yawned, taking in the sight of the room that still was foreign for him, noticing a few details of the surroundings that he didn't notice before. For instance, the pacifier tucked under the top bunk bed surrounded by four glow-in-the-dark stars. There had to be some sort of explanation for it, so Joel added it to the list of things to ask. Then was the few pictures attached to the dresser's mirror that Joel couldn't quite see, another thing he should investigate. There were a few more things that called Joel's attention but was interrupted by the pressure in his bladder. 'Nature was calling' and Joel moved to 'answer', or rather tried to because Robbie's embrace tightens a little bit around his waist. Joel had heard him tossing and turning last night, maybe having a nightmare, so he assumed whatever it was the nightmare about it involved Joel leaving. Joel smiled, he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, except maybe to the bathroom because he really needed to take a leak. With that in mind, and carefully as he could, Joel began to break Robbie's embrace but it all went south in a swift.

Robbie tightened the embrace, to the point it actually bothered Joel. He was still asleep, Joel noticed, and the pouting in his face let Joel know that he was still having a nightmare of some sort.

“Robbie,” Joel called in a whisper, having difficulty to even breath, “Robbie, wake up,” he kept calling and trying to release himself from Robbie's arms, but the more he tried, the tighter the embrace became. Joel was squished against Robbie and he could barely move.

“Joel?” He heard Benjamin's voice call from somewhere in the room, but Joel couldn't move to find out from where exactly. “Oh shit,” he heard him curse in amusement before he felt the bed moving. “ Hey there, Joel.” Benjamin poked his head in Joel's line of vision, greeting happily. It was so different and so strange seeing Benjamin smile that way and to him, from all the people. Joel was having a hard time processing it. Like, for real, he was having a hard time entirely, Robbie's embrace was making that difficult.

“Do you need help?” He asked and Joel's glare was enough to answer that question. “Can you move your arm?” Benjamin asked, kneeling on the bed, assisting the situation. Joel nodded vaguely but enough to send the message. “Can you reach his face?” he asked next, receiving another nod. “Good, reach his face and caress him,” Benjamin instructed and Joel obeyed.

Wiggling his right arm up Robbie's face, Joel started to caress him sweetly. It started with just random circles around his right cheek, but then he drew lines and shapes around the man's scruffy cheek until he began to feel the embrace lessen its tightness.

“Keep doing that,” Benjamin said, turning around to look for something in one of the dresser's drawers. “Is it working?” he asked and Joel responded with a silence yes. “Good, keep going,”

Joel obeyed, the more he continued, the more the embrace lessen. Soon, he felt Robbie melt into a pile of goo besides him, which brought a wave of bliss onto Joel. The little smiles that appeared on the corner of Robbie's his lips, it was so cute.  
When realizing that the embrace loosened, Joel tried to move away but once again, Robbie tightened his grab, squishing Joel against him one more time.

“I should've warned you, you shouldn't have moved,” Benjamin said in amusement, sitting in the bed.

“Thanks for the head's up,” Joel said sarcastically, “gosh, that's one heck of grip,”

“He does wrestling, what did you expect?” Benjamin chuckled silently, “C'mon, caress him again,” he instructed one more time.

Once the embrace was loosened and Robbie was a pile of goo again, Joel remembered not to move unless told.

“What now?” Joel whispered, as to not startle Robbie.

Benjamin didn't respond. Joel saw him hesitant for a moment but finally moved to grab the pacifier that hung from the top bunk bed. Next, he came closer to them and offered the pacifier to Robbie. Obviously, Robbie was asleep to see, but Benjamin prompted the rubbery thing against Robbie's mouth. It took a few attempts but Robbie finally reacted, opening his mouth to welcome the pacifier on his mouth. Joel saw him suck it for a few times before Benjamin pulled it away. He did it a couple of time and just when Joel was about to protest, he understood the reason. At the four-time of putting the pacifier in and out of his brother's mouth, Robbie, still asleep, reached to grab the pacifier from Benjamin's fingers, holding it then in his mouth. Joel had to hold himself from squealing because Robbie looked so damn innocent and pure.  
Then, after Benjamin had stopped Joel from moving, he began to caress the fluffy blue blanket up and down his little brother's face. Said action caused Robbie to get his other arm from under Joel to stretch, giving Joel the chance to move. Before Joel ran into the bathroom, he saw the peculiar way that Robbie stretched. The man stretched exactly like infant did, before getting a hold of the blanket and face the other way to continue sleeping. But what really caught Joel's attention was Benjamin's reaction: “hm, that's a new,” he heard him say before Joel finally went to the bathroom.

On his return, Joel didn't expect to find Benjamin in the room, much less looking like he was waiting for Joel and- _was he wearing a superman pajama?_ Also, Joel didn't notice he wasn't wearing a shirt- _but don't mind me, 'do yo'h thing'_ , Joel felt himself grinning before realizing what he was doing, _What the heck am I thinking?_

“Better?” Benjamin interrupted his thoughts when noticing Joel's presence, cracking a smile as Joel came closer to the bed, “Oh, here,” he stood up letting Joel get into the bed before he sat again.

They sat in silence, one next to the other, staring at everything and nothing but each other.

“Emh,” Benjamin began, clearing his throat, “Joel, I, I'm sorry,” he stuttered nervously, never looking at Joel, “Sorry for acting the way I did. I over reacted and-”

“No, it's OK, I -” Joel interrupted, “Oh my gosh, so sorry. Please, continue,” he apologized for interrupting. “I gotta stop interrupting people. Because?” Joel mumbled as he imitated Tasha, “because it's impolite.”

“What the hell, Joel?” Benjamin asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry, my boss makes me repeat that every time I interrupt someone that's talking,” Joel said beaming, “it's not supposed to be funny, I don't know why I'm smiling.” His smile faded away and he began to fiddle with his index fingers as a way to keep himself from biting his nails. “Please carry on,”

“Alright, emh, I was apologizing for the way I acted and I wanted to thank you for being so good to Robbie and for not moving out,”

“About that, what make you think that I was moving out?” Joel finally looked Benjamin on the face, “I mean, if you wanna tell me, of course,”

“I believe I own that much,” Benjamin said with a polite smile.  
“Before you, we had another roommate. He studied in the same college Robbie goes. Cool guy to hang out with and whatnot. Anyways, one day, when Robbie wasn't home, he got into our room looking for a bag he could borrow. While looking, he come across Robbie's things. He didn't say anything about it, but later that day he found Robbie, well,” Benjamin paused, Joel noticed that the memory was a bitter one, “you know-” he gestured his hand towards Robbie's direction- “And just like you, he said that he was OK with it. One day later, he was gone.”

Benjamin looked lost in the memory and Joel didn't know what to say.

“I don't really care about him,” he was visually enraged, “or the fact that he left. Much people don't understand Robbie's life, so I don't blame them if they leave. What really makes me angry is that he was Robbie's best friend. The son of a bitch stole everything Robbie had at the moment, including his money, and left. That's what pisses me off,” Benjamin confessed with a shaky voice. His right hand was clenched into a very tight fist that, if he had longer nails, Joel was sure that they would dig into his flesh.

The man looked infuriated and he had reasons to be. Joel wanted to say something, but he couldn't find the right words. Instead, he rested a hand on Benjamin's fist, in an attempt to show some support to the man. Then Joel turned his head to look at Robbie and thought, _How could someone be so cruel toward someone so sweet as Robbie? And why? How could life be so cruel toward people who just are a light in the World?!_  
Joel was caressing Robbie when he felt Benjamin's fist lessening, soon both found each other with their fingers intertwined. Joel blushed but followed.

“If it weren't for Jill,” he heard Benjamin said, “Robbie would've probably ended up in the streets,”

“Was that how he met Jill?” Joel asked softly, looking Benjamin right into his hazel eyes.

“No,” Benjamin answered, just like Joel, avoiding looking at their intertwined hands, “she's a childhood friend; my best friend.”

“Oh, OK,” Joel said awkwardly.

The conversation died, but it didn't feel awkward at all. It was like one those moments where there's no need for words to fill the air but to just be there and enjoying each other's company. That's how it felt for the two of them.  
Joel didn't know what the heck was going on, but oh, he liked it. Butterflies flew inside his stomach, and oh my goodness, he couldn't stop smiling nor blushing. He suddenly didn't feel like twenty-three years old but like a teenage girl. The urge to look at Benjamin was strong, but he stopped himself from doing it. Joel was too shy.

“Joel, I- ” He heard Benjamin say before Robbie suddenly woke up, making the two roommates let go of each other.

Sitting in the bed, Robbie yawned and stretched, almost hitting Joel in the face. He sat there without moving, just staring at nothing in particular.

“Robbie?” Benjamin called, puzzled.

Robbie reacted to his voice, looking at the two of them in silence. After a brief moment, Robbie moved, laying his body over Joel's laps with the intention of resting his head on Benjamin's lap whilst wrapping his arms around his older brother's waist.  
Joel grinned, it was the first time he had seen Robbie showing that kind of affection toward his older brother, but when Joel looked at Benjamin, his grin faded. Benjamin didn't look as content as Joel hoped but puzzled, worried.

“Something's wrong,” Benjamin worried, “Joel, what happened yesterday when I told you to check on him?”

“I found him on the floor, spaced out. He had peed his pants,” Joel recalled, “why? what's going on?”

“He doesn't usually wake up acting this way. The only times he had woke up like this was when he was very stressed and when he -” he stopped mid-sentence as if time had frozen all of the sudden. If it weren't for his eyes moving, Joel could have sworn time did freeze.

“When he what?” Joel asked desperately.

“When he received a bad news,” Benjamin shared even worried than before, “where's his phone?”

Unable to make Robbie let got of Benjamin, Joel stood from the bed to look for Robbie's cellphone. He looked on the dresser, the desks, and even the bathroom but had no luck. A quick search on the living room and kitchen showed the same result. When returning to the room, Joel noticed the phone lighting up under the bed. He quickly retrieved, looking at the screen that showed a few apps notifications and three new messages: one from Benjamin, one from Jill and one from someone named Jowell.

“Do you know any Jowell?” Joel asked without looking back at Benjamin.

“Yes,” he responded in a bitter tone which caused Joel to stare back at him worried, “that was Robbie's best friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Criticism and/or suggestions are welcome.  
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, this chapter gave me a lot of trouble. I finished the previous chapter and when I started this one, my mind went blank. So, my apologies if I this chapter feels off.

The silence in the room grew thicker by the minute, replacing the previous happy vibes that, somehow, bloomed between them. Joel sat on the floor staring at the message displayed on the Robbie's phone, wanting to say something but having no words whatsoever.  
Joel gazed upon Benjamin, he looked like he wanted to rage out and punch something but at the same time, he was trying to keep his composure. He didn't want to wake his brother up. 

Robbie frowned as he grabbed a fistful of Benjamin's pajama, he shook his head and pouted on the brink of tears. For some unknown reason, Joel felt compelled to get back on the bed to held Robbie in his arms; to fight those nightmares that were tormenting his sleep. But realization hit Joel, his conscience started stating facts that he couldn't ignore. He was getting attached to Robbie and that wasn't a good sign. Every time Joel gets attached to someone, it doesn't end well. Usually it doesn't, but this felt different than most times; there was an unusual feeling that drove Joel into accepting Robbie the way he was without much of a second guess. Not everyday you would be willing to prepare a bottle of milk to a grown man, much less bathing nor change his diaper. There was something and Joel couldn't quite put his finger on it.

As Joel had that altercation with himself, he observed Benjamin soothing Robbie, tracing his fingers up and down Robbie's naked back. The results were almost instant. It surprised Joel the way that Benjamin was able to handle his brother, like, he knew exactly what to do and how to do it. Joel had no doubts that Robbie has been this way for a quite a while.

“Can you read the messages one more time?” Benjamin broke the silence. 

“Hello, Robert, it's Jowell. I'm going to be in town next week, I was hoping we could talk.” Joel repeated, staring back to read Benjamin's reaction. 

He didn't react like he did before. If Joel didn't know him better, he would've said that he was calmed, but there were some details that pointed out differently. For starters, there was the clenching of the jaw, the loud exhaling through the nose, the staring into the 'horizon' and, how to forget, the opening and closing of his fist. Three frigging years and a half living together with those two brothers who barely even talk to him, Joel had to be observiant to, at least, get know something about them.  
The phone on Joel's hand buzzed, it was another message from Jill and for what Joel could read, she wasn't happy at all. 

“Is it him?” Benjamin asked, scrutinizing the device on Joel's hand.

“No-” Joel shook is head- “it's Jill, she's worried,”

Benjamin nodded in acknowledgement, lowering his head to look at his sleeping brother.  
“Can you give me some time alone with Rib- Robbie” he corrected himself. 

“Of course,” Joel assented as he stood up, settling Robbie's phone on the dresser. 

While heading for the door, Benjamin called his name, thus making Joel stop on his track. “Please, take Rib's phone,” he requested as if he was lost in thoughts, “and mine too-” he reached for the one in his pocket and offered his cellphone to Joel- “I don't want to do anything stupid. Even thought I really want to,”

Joel took both phones and headed to the door, “What about Jill? Want me to let her know what's going on?”

“I would appreciate it,” Benjamin thanked with a sad smile, “Joel?” He called again, causing Joel to stick his head inside the room, “thank you,”

Joel smiled politely and gave a small nod before closing the door to the room. 

Once outside, Joel breathed deep whilst he made his way to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. When he reached the middle of the living room, Benjamin's phone rang, it was Jill. The contact picture that Benjamin had set showed up in the lock screen. It showed Jill and Robbie dressed in taco costumes; while Jill was trying to look 'cool' and serious, Robbie was making a silly face. Joel couldn't help but to laugh at how funny they looked and he was totally going to ask about that later.

“Oh my god, Benjamin Owen Williams!” She fumed when Joel answered the phone, “I was two minute away from booking a flight! Yes, you heard me, I was about to travel all the way from London to Cleveland just to give you a bloody punch in the balls!  
“Do you have any idea how worry I am, how angry I am, how- ” she finished in a grunt, “OK, calm down, Jill, calm down,” she repeated to herself a few times before continuing, “you have exactly one minute to explain to me why Ribbie is not answering my calls nor messages, Benji. Did something happen? Is he alright? Also, did Joel leave? - I don't think so; he's a great guy, Benji, you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyways, where's my RIBBIE!?” 

“Hi, Jill,” Joel interrupted her babbling.

“Joel?” she questioned confused, “Oh my god, Joel,” she sounded surprised , “what the hell is going on? Oh god, don't tell me- Benjamin tried to kick your ass but instead you kicked his- WOW-” she began to slow clap- “Kudos for you, Joel,”

“Wait, what?” now Joel was the one confused. “Are you OK, Jill?

“I don't know. I haven't had a proper good night sleep in the last couple of weeks because of my classes; I'm worried, I'm babbling, I'm currently drinking my sixth cup of coffee so, I'm not sure what the hell is going on. So, please, tell me what the hell is going on, Joel.” 

Joel didn't respond right away to organize his thoughts. Jill seemed to be in a bad place and he was sure that the news wouldn't do her any good. Joel thought about lying for a moment to keep her from getting more stressed than she already was, but the mere thought of lying made Joel's stomach turn. She had to know truth, why did he even considered lying?

“Jill, emh,” Joel began, nervous at best, “Robbie received a message from Jowell.”

And just like he feared, she didn't take the news lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, I know.  
> Hopefully, with the next chapter, I get the inspiration back because I really want to write this story.  
> Any Criticism and/or suggestions are welcome.  
> Thanks for taking the time to read my story.


End file.
